My Scratch Pad

:: complete and incomplete thoughts, daydreams and illusions ::

Stray Thoughts

Nilalamig ako nang hindi naman maginaw
walang hangin
walang yelo
at hindi pa naman pasko
pero giniginaw ako dahil
wala ka

---

The warm and fuzzy feeling you get
when you're thinking of someone
doesn't work for me
because there's no one to think about

---

My life is
21 years of
promises unkept
wishes ungranted
love unrequited

---

Why hope?
Why dream?
Why think that there's a happy ending for all of us?

---

I can't believe that I'm already thinking of these things
before I even find out if he has another girl he's interested in or not

by: distantorigin at 13:01 | link | comments

Comic Con ver.1

I really don't know how it happened.

All I know is that the moment I turned and saw that she wasn't there anymore, I felt sad.

I guess it's true what they say how you only realize the value of people once they're gone. Although that still doesn't explain exactly why she was suddenly of so much value, to me.

I turned my head and saw that she was actually just around the corner, talking on her cellphone. She must've stood up and walked to a less noisier place because her phone rang. So really, it wasn't like she disappeared. But I think what's really relevant is how I felt, the moment I thought that she was gone.

By the time she had gone back to the bench she'd been sitting at and sat back down, I was shaking.

"Did you finish it?" she asked, referring to the sculpture I was making.

"Almost," I said, not looking up.

She leaned closer towards me--to look at my work, though of course, I was already hoping it'd be for another reason.

"That is so cool," she said for the nth time. She'd been admiring my art ever since she saw me doing it, and has asked me a bunch of questions about it. How did I start? Who were my influences? What was the most difficult piece I've made?

If I didn't know better, I'd say she had a crush on me. But then... She seemed like she was genuinely curious about my art, and only my art. Not me.

She sat back down on the bench and her cellphone beeped again. She went to read the text message she'd received. It seems like she's been getting messages from people since she arrived. She must be pretty popular, which I guess isn't really surprising considering how friendly she is. Though I guess I'm a bit envious because she might think I'm a big loser for not having received any messages the entire afternoon.

Almost as if on cue, my phone beeped. Yes, finally. An SMS!

It was from my brother saying he was downstairs and he needed something from my tool kit. I would've asked him to come upstairs and get it, but then he also mentioned that our Dad was there too, so then of course I knew I had to get down. I started fixing my stuff.

"You're leaving?" she asked, looking up from the book she was now reading.

"Yeah, my Dad's here to pick me and my brothers up," I said, belatedly realizing how dorky that must've sounded.

She nodded. "Well, see you around, I guess."

"Yeah," I said, disappointed. It was only now that I realized that we might never see each other again. "Um..." I started, turning to look at her.

She looked up at me curiously. Curiously, but not hopefully. What exactly was I going to say?

"See you around," I said. "I guess," I told her, and then headed for the stairs.

----

"What's that in your hand?" my Dad asked as we were walking to the car.

"What?" I said, realizing only then that I still had the sculpture I was making for her, in my hand. I cursed. I couldn't believe I forgot to give it to her! "Wait, I just have to give this to someone," I said, and then started running for the second floor of the building like crazy.

The bench was empty.

There were no bags, no magazines, no people, no her.

Actually, the sight was depressing because I knew that just a few minutes ago, it had been a happy place.

I walked towards the bench anyway and noticed that on it was a piece of paper, held in place by a sign pen. I picked it up.

 

by: distantorigin at 12:27 | link | comments

Ang Ganda ng Kalikasan

Ang napansin mo lang
ay ang lamig ng tubig
na naglalaro sa iyong paa
at ang kulay ng mga isda
na lumalangoy sa ilalim
ang laki ng mga bato
na nalipat na ng lugar
sa lakas ng agos
at ang sarap ng hangin
na tila may mensaheng
hindi mo na pinakinggan

Ang napansin mo lang
ay ang ganda ng kalikasan

at hindi
ang kaalatan ng tubig
dahil ito ay mga luha
ang lakas ng hangin
dahil ito ay buntung hininga
ang gulo ng alon
dahil hindi mapakali
ang mga gumagalaw sa tila walang katapusang dagat.

by: distantorigin at 13:16 | link | comments (1)

Pagmumuni-muni sa Daan

Dahil sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos,

ay naglalakad akong

mag-isa,

hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili kong mag-isip...

Bakit sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos,

ay naglalakad akong

mag-isa?

by: distantorigin at 13:29 | link | comments